But I NEEEEEED You

I was on bed duty by myself tonight.  This usually spells disaster.  Invariably, it's a game of getting one into the twilight zone of sleep just to have the other cry out...start over.  Repeat.  Repeat again.  Momma leaves them crying in their cribs.  Come back in ten minutes.  Try again.  Repeat....

WELL.  Tonight it was business as usual.  Wash cloth bath for one.  Wash cloth bath for the other.  Lotion for one.  Lotion for the other.  Pajamas for one.  Pajamas for the other.  Leave them playing in a crib, Momma needed a breather.  They started to get fussy, so I swooped in.  Kate was the most tired, most sad, most grumpy, most needy...so she went first.  Take Kate to my bed.  Swaddle.  Nurse.  Snuggle.  Talk about our day.  Pray.  And she drifted off....

While this was happening I was all the time listening for Lauren.  Crying when Kate and I left the room, then babbling, then weird moan/hum/pacifier speak, then SILENCE.  Someday, silence will be music to my ears.  Not yet.  So, Kate and I prayed fast, we talked fast, we shifted into warp speed but in a soothing, Momma's not scared, voice.

As I slipped back into the nursery to put Kate down, I peeked at Lauren.  She didn't NEED me.  She put herself to bed!!  Unswaddled, un-nursed (they had green beans less than an hour ago, don't worry!), uncuddled, WITHOUT THE MOMMA!!!

Again, someday this will make me so happy.  Actually, already, it makes me pretty happy.  But there's a little part of me that wants to savor every moment of being needed.  (I KNOW they still need me, people!  I'm the food source, for crying out loud, just let me sulk for a minute!)

***Notice that the beds have been lowered in their cribs!  First time we've made a change PRE-emptively...usually we wait for them to roll out of bed before we change where they nap...***

Off to eat my feelings,
Erin