Thursday, November 21, 2013

I Think It's My Thyroid...

**Disclaimer - Thyroids are important.  When there is truly something wrong with a thyroid it must be addressed.  I'm attempting to be funny, not disrespectful to the 10's of you who read my blog and have an actual thyroid problem.**

I have convinced myself that I have a hyperthyroidism.  The most notable symptoms of hyperthyroidism are that 'ants in your pants' feeling, not being able to sit still, sweating, and then later, bugging eyes.  Yip, I have all of these.  I was about to go get blood work and sign up for a transplant when my dear Jen suggested maybe it was just the coffee talking.  This got me to thinking...

My day starts before I'd like for it to (6, yes, I would LOVE to sleep in til 6) via one of two methods:

1.  Jack the terrorist screaming from his room like he has probably vomited everywhere, had a terrible nightmare, is delirious with fever, AND there is a live bear in his room stalking toward his crib.  Leading to the sprint out of bed (EVERYtime) to open the door and finding an immediately silent happy baby who says 'Hi, Ma!' or maybe 'movie??'.


2.  A little curly headed girl (or two) who did the ninja sneak into our room and doesn't make a peep until she whispers 'Momma!' a half an inch from my face.

Folks, both will get your blood pumping.  Good morning!!!

Then, I fire up the Keurig for her morning workout.  I like to have my first cup standing in front of the machine, ignoring the three alarm clocks, drinking it as quickly as the temperature will allow, so that I can make my second cup and go sit in the living room with them.

Next, we have rapid fire emergencies:
1.  Momma, I have to pee NOW, bad, bad...hurry Momma!
2.  I want breakfast!!!
3.  Jack is shooooooey, and he's taking off his diaper!
4.  Babe, did you fold the gowns for me to take back to the office?
5.  etc...

We are really, really trying to raise respectful tiny humans, but most of the time their initial request for something (shoes, snacks, up!, etc) are like a drill sergeants barking a direct order (or so I imagine).

There is a break in the middle of the day when a miracle happens and all three take a nap...but instead of sitting down for that hour, there is shiz to do!  And I always fool myself into thinking that if I do it all really quickly then I can sit for a second when it's done.  False.  False, Erin.  It was false yesterday, it will be false tomorrow.  They know.  Put away the last dish or last folded piece of clothing, close the final account I was working on, wipe down the last of the miraculously re-appearing yogurt smear from breakfast....and someone wakes up.  And, none of mine are very slow to warm.  They don't wake up and want to sit and rock and snuggle.  They don't crave a moment alone snuggling with the momma.  Nope, they get real busy and real loud and make sure the lazy two wake up immediately.  Game on.

There's the pep rally that is required to get out of the house...I'll race you to the front door!!  Bet you can't keep both your shoes on AND your hair in a ponytail!  Jack, want to watch a movie in the car!!!!  Oh, the enthusiasm that is required to make the job go more smoothly!!

And then, underneath it me, having my 5th cup of coffee, shaking and sweating...thinking, "Ga, I MUST have a thyroid problem or something..."


  1. You're hilarious. Good luck with the thyroid/coffee issue!

  2. ahhhh...the little years. You are in for one sweet moment, when the twins can dress themselves all.the.way. Shoes, jackets, combed hair...etc. It's life changing. It comes way too fast, but it has it's benefits.