Tuesday, February 26, 2013

An Acquired Taste

It turns out that I might be an acquired taste.  Bummer.

Part of my Super-Fun-All-The-Time-2013-Year-Of-Thrival plan is to make new friends.  New town, new job, new season of life...new friends!

I've become almost obsessed with this. I look at every passerby and run them through the 'could she be my come over with her kids while my house is a mess have coffee and watch them play' friend?  Could she be my 'Bible study' friend? Could she be my 'shopping, ladies who lunch' friend?

After the obsession of recognizing these people to fill my needs, then there's the dilemma of how to convince them to be my friend...this is where, I'm afraid, I have found that I'm an acquired taste.  I have friends.  I know I can make friends.  But, well, maybe, sometimes....I may come on a little too strong, a little too fast.  Oh, my bad, new girl I met in the park 4 minutes ago...you mean you're not quite ready to go on a double date and share a babysitter at my house.  Silly me.  You mean you don't like it when I ask very direct and personal questions in our casual, first time, chance meeting.  Oops.

I'm afraid my crazy 'too much too fast' style has been reinforced in the past, giving me an erred sense of appropriateness.  Well, except for that still painful memory when it didn't work out for me!

First meeting with Dan in Albuquerque 100 years ago.  'So, ever been married?  Kids?  Plan to get married someday?  Christian?'  Sweet, now man of mine, simply chuckled, said, 'Wow, you get to the point, huh?'  And answered my questions.  Then said, 'What was your name, again?'.  Behavior reinforced.

Albuquerque bestie.  Then a patient I had seen maybe twice, but was hoping to convert to a friend.  I was pregnant.  'So, is labor just horrible?  Did you poop when you pushed out the baby?  Are your boobs always that big or is it just because you're breast feeding?'  Sweet, now ABQ bestie of mine, simply snickered, said, 'You have no idea...want to go have lunch sometime?'.  Crazy behavior reinforced.

I have been wallowing in my realization that maybe this making of friends thing is going to take longer than I thought.  I have a very ain't nobody got time for that  attitude about it.  I am anxious to make some friends.  I think it will help me to feel more settled.  Dan meets new people everyday, and doesn't really get it.  But somehow spending most days in our rent house that I can't really make a home ('cause who paints someone else's walls!?) with three kidlets two and under, makes me oh so anxious to meet a kindred spirit.

As I have been wallowing, though, I have come to realize that while they can't drop in on a random Tuesday morning and physically have coffee, I have all these roles filled in my life.  They live in California instead of Edmond, or work a 40 hour work week, or are in a different (and so fun!) stage of life...

Being reminded of that recurring lesson - patience is a virtue.



  1. Oh Erin you made me smile and laugh!!! I have the perfect friend for you! She now lives in Detroit and has two little girls that would "mother" your kidlets. She would love to have coffee with you in your messy house! :-) I will send her your way...as soon as the goverment gets with it and moves her hubby! Lol Besties are wonderful no matter where they are, but it is so great to have them close to hang out with! Good luck! :-)

  2. So Nick and I just recently had this discussion about making friends and we have realized that making friends after turning 30 is hard! I just think we get a little pickier as we get older. AND it is quite fine to be bold with questions...I don't see any problem with asking personal questions from the start...there's nothing wrong with being an open book, nothing to hide. Just don't whip out a notebook and start checking things off a list as they answer your questions, it could come off as a little stalkeresque.