“I am your mother, the first mile of your road. Me and all my obvious and hidden limitations. That means that in addition to possibly wrecking you, I have the chance to give to you what was given to me: a decent childhood, more good memories than bad, some values, a sense of tribe, a run at happiness. You can’t imagine how seriously I take that – even as I fail you. Mothering you is the first thing of consequence that I have ever done.”
— Kelly Corrigan (Lift)
— Kelly Corrigan (Lift)
I found that quote on Pioneer Woman's blog a month or so ago, and it gets me every time I read it.
I don't know what it is about being pregnant that makes a girl who has never before been an emotional person sappy. Yip, I said it...I'm not just a little more in touch with my emotions, I'm not just a little hormonal, I'm not just more womanly than before...I'm straight up sappy.
While we are not ready to say definitely, this pregnancy could be my last...some would even argue that it should be. I think what gets me the most about that fact is the brevity of this season of my life. Only two years ago this month I was as depressed as I get, certain that I would never be able to conceive. And now, the pregnancy, birth, recovery, new born baby stage of my life as a mother may be almost over?! It's hard for me to even wrap my mind around.
There are some definite differences with this pregnancy. The most obvious is that I don't weigh as much! On this, my 26th week of pregnancy, I'm not nearly as big as I was last time around. I don't have to go to the doctor nearly as frequently (praise Jesus). I physically feel better. I can breathe even when lying down still. I don't have charley horses or heartburn. The only physical complaint of this pregnancy would be frequent headaches.
Mentally, I'm not as scared as I was last time. I was fearful for most of the pregnancy with the babes, not so this time. I am under no false pretenses that we will be any more prepared, I simply realize that there is nothing you can do to prepare, and try to embrace that.
I do think about how the dynamics of our little family will change. Will the girls be better able to embrace another human into our tribe since they've always had to share? Or do they function as a unit and our divided attention between the two of them is more acceptable than the divided attention to come?
All that rambling to say that I love being pregnant. I love this little bean growing inside of me. And I love being a Momma...even when it makes me sappy.